This just in… So, I had my annual evaluation yesterday. Well, every year without fail, they change my department around (I work for a PR firm). My job stays EXACTLY the same every year, but they call it something different every time. Drum roll please… This year I am… “Inter-Departmental Dynamic Motivational Officer“

In order to increase morale, performance, and professionalism, all employees are required to be at work daily by 9am. All badges will be deactivated for entry after 9am, and employess that are late are required to have their manager come to the security desk and sign them in for the day.

To: [All] From: [CEO] Due to the recent events and the uncertain purchasing climate of the American consumer, we have been forced to make some changes at [Company]. Starting immediately, empoyees are asked to shorten their lunch hour to 30 minutes and work through that period. We need extra effort, drive, and focus to acheive […]

We have elevated the quality of our work, we have added exciting and challenging new clients to our roster, and some of the assignments we were privileged to work on this year continue to inspire our team to excel and push the envelop[e] [Ed: sp!]. I’d say we did quite well in living up to […]

[ed: This is an instant classic.] The following email was sent to the staff after announcing a third round of layoffs and paycuts for remaining staff: In these challenging times our “We Achieve” program is a great cultural support. Please recognize people who are role models for our values that are so important: Motivation Innovation […]

2 Emails Received… It has come to VP of Development [name]’s attention that the snack table in engineering has has exceeded $400 a week in costs. This is unacceptable, as we are trying to cut costs. A monthly budget for snacks has been allocated and when it’s out, it’s out. Next email only minutes later: […]